Broken
by kurapika247
Summary: It's always that day that makes England feel broken. That day is July 4. When America goes to check up on the Brit,what happens when he finds out some dark secrets USUK (Warning! : Contains cussing,eating dissorders,and self-harm)
1. Broken

"Dudes, I totally have the feeling this is going to be the best birthday party ever!",America says as he pumps his fist in the air with a big grin on his face.

"Maybe it would be better if you actually helped set up the party.",Canada said as France,Spain,Prussia,Italy, and Japan nodded in agreement.

"But it's my birthday in three days! I shouldn't have to do any work!",America whined.

"Veh, well can you at least lick the spoon for me?~",Italy says as he stops mixing the batter to the cake he was making and holds the spoon out with a smile.

"Alright! Thanks dude!", America says as he eagerly takes the spoon out of the Italians hands and starts licking the chocolate batter off the wooden spoon.

"Wow, this is pretty good batter!",America says happily. "Thanks!~",Italy says with one of his goofy smiles.

"Oh, Alfred I have to talk to you about something..",France says as he walks into the kitchen with a worried look etched on his face.

"Sure! What do you want to talk about?",America says, still keeping his signature smile on his face.

"I want to talk about the guest list and the invitations..",France says.

"Dude! I thought I told you to just invite everyone except Russia! You must be getting old and are beginning to lost your memo-",America started off but was interupted by the the French nation.

"Non! I am not old and besides, I was going to ask you what about Angleterre!",Fance says crossly. This effectively shuts up America and everyone who heard it. Everyone knows that England hates this day. England never comes to America's birthday party and just usually sends a gift to his house with not even a 'Happy Birthday' included. Everybody just leaves England alone on that day.

"He could choose to come if he wants.", America says sternly while breaking the silence.

France just nods and walks out of the room to go make invitations for almost all of the countries. This leaves America to his thoughts.

"You're think about him aren't you?"

"What makes you think that?!",America asks as he turns to the Italian who was putting a couple of pans full of batter into the oven. He was making a chocolate and vanilla layer cake for the birthday party.

"Veh,nothing~", Italy says with an innocent smile as he pulls out a chair from the kitchen table and places it in front of the oven so he could sit down and watch the cake.

America audibly sighs. He really really wanted Iggy to come to his birthday party this year but something in his gut told him that was not going to happen. England never goes so why would he even bother coming this year?

"I'm going to go see him! I'm going to convince him to come to my party!",America says as he does yet another fist pump in the air.

"That's the spirit!~",Italy cheers.

"Go tell him the awesome me is going! That'll convince him to come!".

"Make sure to not be brash to Ingurando"

"Tell him that I'll be making som churros for the party!"

"You better not hurt his feelings.."

America nodded at all the requests and gave a thumbs up. "Ok,I promise!".

"I don't think this is the best idea but...",France started off as he walked back in after hearing his ridiculous plan. "be gentle with Angleterre...You really hurt his feelings that day.."

"Hey! You helped!",America pouted.

"That's not the point. The point is to not argue with him even if he yells at you, which he probably will, and don't force him to come if he doesn't want to.",France says while putting a hand on America's shoulder.

"Alright! I'll go right away!",America says excitedly but inside himself he was actually very nervous.

**-pagebreak-**

**England's POV**

I sigh as I toss in turn in my bed. It was late at night but I couldn't just fall asleep. Actually I haven't been able to sleep a wink this past week. I just can't get the thought that the day was in just three days.

I groan as I sit up on my bed and look at the analog clock that was on my nightstand. '4:00 A.M' it said in bright green. Well make that two days now. I sigh as I get up and change out my pajamas. Might as well start the day now since I can't fall asleep anyways.

After I get changed and freshen up a bit by combing my hair and brushing my teeth, I went downstairs to the kitchen.

"Maybe I could make some scones?",I asked myself outloud. I then shake my head. I'm not in the mood for scones..or for anything in that manner. I make myself a cup and of nice Earl Grey tea and take a sip. For some reason tea even taste tasteless..

_Ding-Dong!_

Who could that be this early in the morning? I irritatingly sigh as I get up from the chair and move my way over to the front door and open it.

Oh no...What the bloody hell is he doing here!?

"Hey Iggy..sorry for coming so early and..waking you up?",He says but I guess it turns out to be more like a question as he sees I'm already neatly dreesed in my usual attire.

"What do you want?",I say rather coldly. He should know to leave me alone this week.

"England I-..",He starts off but then his eyes widen immensely. "Can I come in?",He asks. Everything stays silent. Why should I even let this wanker in? It's his fault I'm like this after all!

'_No,It's your fault. It always has been.",_ A voice says coldly inside my head and I could feel tears welling in my eyes but I desperately blink them back. I can't cry in front of this wanker..

I hesitantly nod and a small smile forms on his face as he walks in and closes the door behind him.

"England..", He says with a look of worry gleaming in his eyes. "When was the last time you slept or ate?".

My eyes widen in shock. H-How the bloody hell did he know!? Was it really that obvious..?

"I-I just ate this morning",I lie. He looks at me straight in the eyes.

"Tell me the truth.."

"..."

We just stand there in silence as he looks at me. Why should I tell him?

"Iggy.."

"I know why you're here!",I spit out without thinking. "You're just here because of that stupid party!",I say the thoughts that were in the very back of my mind. A look of guilt etches on his face.

"No that's not it I-",He starts again but I cut him off again

"You don't care about me! You never did! If you did, you wouldn't have left me in the first place! And if you would like to know,I haven't eaten or slept all week!",I yell as tears stream down my face. For some reason the words flow out of my mouth and I can't stop saying more.

"All this time I thought it was my own fault! It made me think that I was useless and I could never be loved! That's right! I love you Alfred Jones and you left me! I-I'm-"

"N-No..please don't say it again", Alfed says in desperation.

"I-I'm so sorry",I let out as I feel my knees buckle and I sit on the floor, sobbing my heart out and no matter how much I tried I couldn't stop saying the simple phrase over and over again.

"England...It's not your fault it's mine! I know I shouldn't have do-", Alfred says soothingly as he bends down on the floor but then he stops. Why did he stop in mid sentence? I advert my gaze to where he was looking..oh no..

My sleeve was down a bit and you could see cuts all over just the small section showing on my wrist.

"This isn't what it looks like!",I say as I pull my sleeve down but it was to late, he already saw.

He arruptebly grabs hold of my arm tightly and pulls the sleeve down to reveal even more cuts. "How do you explain this!?",He asks in a voice full of anger. I look down at the floor. He's mad at me..

"I'm sorry Iggy..It's just...I'm mad at myself not you..",He says in a saddened tone.

"I thought I told you that this is my fault, not yours.",I say.

"...How long?", He asks.

"How long what?", I ask back in confusion.

"How long have you been doing this to yourself!?

"I just do it the first week of every July..",I say i full honesty. What's the point in lying now?

"England.."

"What!? Alfred I am perfectly fine!", I say in a frustrated tone. I don't even understand what he's even doing here. Shouldn't he be celebrating or something?

"THIS!", he says as he points to my scarred arm "IS FAR FROM FINE! YOU'RE HURTING YOURSELF! JUST GET OVER IT!",He says aruptly.

"I can't! You meant so much to me and you just left me! I wasn't bothering you before so it is fine!",I retort.

"I JUST WANTED SOME INDEPENDENCE OK! MAYBE IF YOU OPENED YOUR EYES AND UNDERSTAND THAT ,THEN THIS WOULDN'T EVEN BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!",America shouts.

Everything goes silent. Am I over reacting?..It really was my fault..

I quickly stand up and push him away.

"Get out.",I say.

"Dude I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to say that! It just-"

"Don't you have a party to be at soon? A party celebrating you getting some independence from me,a party celebrating you breaking my heart with that frog and Prussian helping you?",I say with my voice full of anger. Why was he still here?!

"Dude! Listen to me! I-"

"JUST GO! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW!", I shout. I just want to be alone right now! What part of that does he not understand!?

"I AM NOT GOING UNTIL I FIX THIS!",America says with determination.

"What the fuck is there to fix!? Are you saying that I'm broken!?", I say.

"YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE NOT EATING, YOU'RE NOT SLEEPING,YOU'RE HURTING YOURSELF! THAT SOUNDS PRETTY BROKEN TO ME!",America yells.

"Just fucking get out! I DON'T NEED YOUR BLOODY HELP!", I say as I push the bloody wanker out the door and lock it .

"Open the door!",He yells as he pounds on the door.

I say nothing.

"England please!"

What more was there to say?

"I love you.."

Maybe I was broken.

**Wow! Did i just write this super angsty fic with no happy ending? Yosh I did!**

**Anyways I made this fic for 2 reasons:**

**1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!~ ^_^ This is some messed up birthday present...but oh well :3**

**2. If you've read my story 'The Party At Midnight' then you know that the moral of the story as England ironically quotes "Yes I know that it sounds kind of ironic and insane but bad beginnings could lead to happy ends. Trust me I know this from experience. If you're having bad times, just wait for your happiness to come. I promise you it will.". **

**Well...I kind of lied sort of. To have your happy ending you have to choose it. In the party at midnight,England CHOSE America's help. In this one he literally pushes him away. Just thought I'd let you know that. Sorry for kind of lying.. ^~^**

**Oh and I have NOTHING against independence day in the real world. I hate it though in a Hetalia point of view.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA!**


	2. Broken-Alternate Ending

**WARNING!: IN THIS ALTERNATE VERSION THERE IS ANOTHER TRIGGER WARNING BUT I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL IT SO YOU ARE BEING WARNED! THANK YOU FOR READING.**

"Dudes, I totally have the feeling this is going to be the best birthday party ever!",America says as he pumps his fist in the air with a big grin on his face.

"Maybe it would be better if you actually helped set up the party.",Canada said as France,Spain,Prussia,Italy, and Japan nodded in agreement.

"But it's my birthday in three days! I shouldn't have to do any work!",America whined.

"Veh, well can you at least lick the spoon for me?~",Italy says as he stops mixing the batter to the cake he was making and holds the spoon out with a smile.

"Alright! Thanks dude!", America says as he eagerly takes the spoon out of the Italians hands and starts licking the chocolate batter off the wooden spoon.

"Wow, this is pretty good batter!",America says happily. "Thanks!~",Italy says with one of his goofy smiles.

"Oh, Alfred I have to talk to you about something..",France says as he walks into the kitchen with a worried look etched on his face.

"Sure! What do you want to talk about?",America says, still keeping his signature smile on his face.

"I want to talk about the guest list and the invitations..",France says.

"Dude! I thought I told you to just invite everyone except Russia! You must be getting old and are beginning to lost your memo-",America started off but was interupted by the the French nation.

"Non! I am not old and besides, I was going to ask you what about Angleterre!",Fance says crossly. This effectively shuts up America and everyone who heard it. Everyone knows that England hates this day. England never comes to America's birthday party and just usually sends a gift to his house with not even a 'Happy Birthday' included. Everybody just leaves England alone on that day.

"He could choose to come if he wants.", America says sternly while breaking the silence.

France just nods and walks out of the room to go make invitations for almost all of the countries. This leaves America to his thoughts.

"You're think about him aren't you?"

"What makes you think that?!",America asks as he turns to the Italian who was putting a couple of pans full of batter into the oven. He was making a chocolate and vanilla layer cake for the birthday party.

"Veh,nothing~", Italy says with an innocent smile as he pulls out a chair from the kitchen table and places it in front of the oven so he could sit down and watch the cake.

America audibly sighs. He really really wanted Iggy to come to his birthday party this year but something in his gut told him that was not going to happen. England never goes so why would he even bother coming this year?

"I'm going to go see him! I'm going to convince him to come to my party!",America says as he does yet another fist pump in the air.

"That's the spirit!~",Italy cheers.

"Go tell him the awesome me is going! That'll convince him to come!".

"Make sure to not be brash to Ingurando"

"Tell him that I'll be making som churros for the party!"

"You better not hurt his feelings.."

America nodded at all the requests and gave a thumbs up. "Ok,I promise!".

"I don't think this is the best idea but...",France started off as he walked back in after hearing his ridiculous plan. "be gentle with Angleterre...You really hurt his feelings that day.."

"Hey! You helped!",America pouted.

"That's not the point. The point is to not argue with him even if he yells at you, which he probably will, and don't force him to come if he doesn't want to.",France says while putting a hand on America's shoulder.

"Alright! I'll go right away!",America says excitedly but inside himself he was actually very nervous.

**-pagebreak-**

**England's POV**

I sigh as I toss in turn in my bed. It was late at night but I couldn't just fall asleep. Actually I haven't been able to sleep a wink this past week. I just can't get the thought that the day was in just three days.

I groan as I sit up on my bed and look at the analog clock that was on my nightstand. '4:00 A.M' it said in bright green. Well make that two days now. I sigh as I get up and change out my pajamas. Might as well start the day now since I can't fall asleep anyways.

After I get changed and freshen up a bit by combing my hair and brushing my teeth, I went downstairs to the kitchen.

"Maybe I could make some scones?",I asked myself outloud. I then shake my head. I'm not in the mood for scones..or for anything in that manner. I make myself a cup and of nice Earl Grey tea and take a sip. For some reason tea even taste tasteless..

_Ding-Dong!_

Who could that be this early in the morning? I irritatingly sigh as I get up from the chair and move my way over to the front door and open it.

Oh no...What the bloody hell is he doing here!?

"Hey Iggy..sorry for coming so early and..waking you up?",He says but I guess it turns out to be more like a question as he sees I'm already neatly dreesed in my usual attire.

"What do you want?",I say rather coldly. He should know to leave me alone this week.

"England I-..",He starts off but then his eyes widen immensely. "Can I come in?",He asks. Everything stays silent. Why should I even let this wanker in? It's his fault I'm like this after all!

'_No,It's your fault. It always has been.",_ A voice says coldly inside my head and I could feel tears welling in my eyes but I desperately blink them back. I can't cry in front of this wanker..

I hesitantly nod and a small smile forms on his face as he walks in and closes the door behind him.

"England..", He says with a look of worry gleaming in his eyes. "When was the last time you slept or ate?".

My eyes widen in shock. H-How the bloody hell did he know!? Was it really that obvious..?

"I-I just ate this morning",I lie. He looks at me straight in the eyes.

"Tell me the truth.."

"..."

We just stand there in silence as he looks at me. Why should I tell him?

"Iggy.."

"I know why you're here!",I spit out without thinking. "You're just here because of that stupid party!",I say the thoughts that were in the very back of my mind. A look of guilt etches on his face.

"No that's not it I-",He starts again but I cut him off again

"You don't care about me! You never did! If you did, you wouldn't have left me in the first place! And if you would like to know,I haven't eaten or slept all week!",I yell as tears stream down my face. For some reason the words flow out of my mouth and I can't stop saying more.

"All this time I thought it was my own fault! It made me think that I was useless and I could never be loved! That's right! I love you Alfred Jones and you left me! I-I'm-"

"N-No..please don't say it again", Alfed says in desperation.

"I-I'm so sorry",I let out as I feel my knees buckle and I sit on the floor, sobbing my heart out and no matter how much I tried I couldn't stop saying the simple phrase over and over again.

"England...It's not your fault it's mine! I know I shouldn't have do-", Alfred says soothingly as he bends down on the floor but then he stops. Why did he stop in mid sentence? I advert my gaze to where he was looking..oh no..

My sleeve was down a bit and you could see cuts all over just the small section showing on my wrist.

"This isn't what it looks like!",I say as I pull my sleeve down but it was to late, he already saw.

He arruptebly grabs hold of my arm tightly and pulls the sleeve down to reveal even more cuts. "How do you explain this!?",He asks in a voice full of anger. I look down at the floor. He's mad at me..

"I'm sorry Iggy..It's just...I'm mad at myself not you..",He says in a saddened tone.

"I thought I told you that this is my fault, not yours.",I say.

"...How long?", He asks.

"How long what?", I ask back in confusion.

"How long have you been doing this to yourself!?

"I just do it the first week of every July..",I say i full honesty. What's the point in lying now?

"England.."

"What!? Alfred I am perfectly fine!", I say in a frustrated tone. I don't even understand what he's even doing here. Shouldn't he be celebrating or something?

"THIS!", he says as he points to my scarred arm "IS FAR FROM FINE! YOU'RE HURTING YOURSELF! JUST GET OVER IT!",He says aruptly.

"I can't! You meant so much to me and you just left me! I wasn't bothering you before so it is fine!",I retort.

"I JUST WANTED SOME INDEPENDENCE OK! MAYBE IF YOU OPENED YOUR EYES AND UNDERSTAND THAT ,THEN THIS WOULDN'T EVEN BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!",America shouts.

Everything goes silent. Am I over reacting?..It really was my fault..

I quickly stand up and push him away.

"Get out.",I say.

"Dude I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to say that! It just-"

"Don't you have a party to be at soon? A party celebrating you getting some independence from me,a party celebrating you breaking my heart with that frog and Prussian helping you?",I say with my voice full of anger. Why was he still here?!

"Dude! Listen to me! I-"

"JUST GO! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW!", I shout. I just want to be alone right now! What part of that does he not understand!?

"I AM NOT GOING UNTIL I FIX THIS!",America says with determination.

"What the fuck is there to fix!? Are you saying that I'm broken!?", I say.

"YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE NOT EATING, YOU'RE NOT SLEEPING,YOU'RE HURTING YOURSELF! THAT SOUNDS PRETTY BROKEN TO ME!",America yells.

"Just fucking get out! I DON'T NEED YOUR BLOODY HELP!", I say as I push the bloody wanker out the door and lock it .

"Open the door!",He yells as he pounds on the door.

I say nothing.

"England please!"

What more was there to say?

"I love you.."

Maybe I was broken.

"America!",I say outloud and the banging suddenly stops.

"I've decided to give you you're birthday present early.",I say dryly as a small smile forms on my face.

"What?",He asks. He was obviously confused but anyone in his situation would be.

"I think you're going to love it",I say as I walk upstairs to my room where part of my 'present' should be.

"Iggy?",America calls out.

"I'll be right back!",I yell back.

I walk into my room and look around it. This will be the last time I'll be in it. I walk to my sock drawer and pull out something that was buried beneath the socks. A pistol. I'm not sure what a suicidal person is supposed to feel at this moment..all I feel for some reason is numb..shouldn't I think this over or something?

"No!", I yell at myself. "He'll be much happier..He only lied about loving me. Nobody could love someone like me. Im broken..even he said so.."

I was about to walk out of the room but then I thought of something. Shouldn't I leave a note or something? I grab a piece of paper and a pen. What should I write?..

"Iggy!?",I hear Alfred yell.

I sigh. I guess no note after all..oh well.

I make my way downstairs. So this is it? This is my end? My end of my pathetic worthless self? Well I guess it is for the better. For Alfred.

"Goodbye Alfred", I say as I put the gun up to my temple and pull the trigger.

**Did I just make the ending more sad? Yes i did =~=**

**If you are having suicidal problems PLEASE message me or call your local Suicidal Prevention Hotline. There are people who care about you! Alfred and many other countries cared about Arthur but he wasn't thinking straight and he missed a chance at trying to have a happy life with Alfred.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA!**

**Thanks for reading! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! ^_^**


End file.
